The thing about 3am — postnatal anxiety and the thoughts that won't quit.
I see you. You're awake. The baby is asleep, finally, and your brain has decided this is the time. I want to say a few things to you while we're here.
Six minute read
Who I work with · Postnatal anxiety
Postnatal anxiety — when the worry doesn't stop.
You're checking the baby's breathing again. It's 3am. You know it's irrational. You can't stop. The next morning your husband says you look tired and you almost laugh, because tired is not the word.
What postnatal anxiety actually looks like
More than just worry.
Postnatal anxiety isn't only "thinking about the baby a lot." It's a state your whole nervous system is stuck in. The brain that won't switch off. The body that doesn't relax even when you finally lie down. The intrusive thoughts that feel nothing like you and arrive uninvited at the worst moments. The need to control the feeds, the schedule, the house, the partner, the dog. The rage that turns up dressed as patience until something snaps.
And the 3am thing. Google's search data shows women searching "pregnancy anxiety at night" and "postnatal anxiety" most heavily between 2 and 4am. That tells you something. That tells me something. You're not the only one awake.
Anxiety vs. depression
Many women have anxiety without depression.
A lot of women avoid help because they don't identify with the postnatal depression narrative. They're not low. They're not numb. They're not crying all day. They're just... wired. Vigilant. Exhausted-but-can't-sleep. They read about PND and think, "that's not me", and quietly continue lying awake.
Postnatal anxiety is its own thing. Sometimes it sits alongside depression. Sometimes it doesn't. Either way, you don't need a label to deserve support. If the worry isn't stopping, that's already a reason to talk to someone. (More on the differences over on the PND page.)
How I work
Not coping strategies. Conversation.
I won't hand you a five-step worksheet. The internet already has those, and if they were going to fix this you'd be done by now. What I'll do is sit with you in the anxiety, slowly enough that we can actually look at it. We try to understand what the anxiety is really about — and I'll tell you upfront, it's almost never just about the baby. It's about safety, and control, and what happened during the birth, and what your own mother modelled for you, and what you're allowed to ask of your partner. That's a lot of strands. We pull them gently.
Sessions are online via Google Meet. You can take the call from a corner of your house with the baby asleep on your chest. You don't have to go anywhere. You don't have to perform composure. If you cry, we cry. If you're too wired to cry, that's also fine.
Crisis vs. ongoing
PANDA for the crisis hours. Me for the long Tuesday afternoons.
If you're in a crisis right now — PANDA's National Helpline (1300 726 306) is staffed by counsellors who specialise in perinatal mental health and is genuinely excellent. Use it. Lifeline (13 11 14) is also there, 24/7.
What I offer is the next layer: ongoing, private, one-on-one counselling so the anxiety has somewhere consistent to go. We build a relationship. The work compounds. You don't re-explain yourself every session.
Quick facts
- Sessions
- 50 minutes, online via Google Meet.
- Cost
- $150 AUD, GST-free under ATO health service guidelines.
- Free intro
- A 15-minute call before booking, on me.
- Cadence
- Most clients start weekly, then ease to fortnightly.
- Hours
- Mondays and Tuesdays, 9am – 5pm AEST.
- Availability
- Online across Australia. Not currently taking international clients.
- Medicare
- Counsellors aren't covered by Medicare. Some private health insurers (Bupa, Medibank, HCF) offer rebates under extras cover.
- Qualifications
- ACA Registered Counsellor (Member #2243) · Diploma of Counselling (AIPC) · Master of Counselling (in progress) · Red Nose trained.
Reasonable questions
Things people ask about postnatal anxiety.
What are the signs of postnatal anxiety?
It's not always the big-T-anxiety you might be picturing. Often it shows up as: lying awake checking the baby's breathing, intrusive thoughts (sometimes graphic, scary thoughts that feel completely unlike you), catastrophising every cough or weird poo, racing heart, tight chest, nausea, an inability to sleep even when the baby finally does, needing to control everything (feeds, schedules, who holds the baby), and — this surprises a lot of women — rage. If your fuse has gone from miles long to inches, that can be anxiety wearing a different outfit.
Is postnatal anxiety different from postnatal depression?
Yes. They're related, they often coexist, but they're not the same. PND tends to be lower, heavier, flatter — sadness, numbness, sometimes nothing-at-all. Postnatal anxiety is keyed up — racing, on alert, the body in a fight-or-flight state that doesn't switch off. You can have one without the other. You can have both at once. Either way, neither requires a specific diagnosis to deserve support.
I keep having scary thoughts about my baby — is that normal?
Yes. The technical name is intrusive thoughts, and they're astonishingly common in new mothers — and almost no one talks about them, because the content is often disturbing (you imagine dropping the baby, harm coming to the baby, doing something terrible). The thoughts are not who you are. They're a feature of an overactivated nervous system. The fact that they horrify you is a sign of how much you love this baby. They are usually nothing to be afraid of — and they're much easier to live with once you can say them out loud to someone who doesn't flinch.
Can anxiety affect my baby?
Babies pick up on our state — that's true. But the answer is not for you to suppress your anxiety harder. It's for you to get support so the anxiety has somewhere else to go. A regulated mother is built, not born. You're allowed to need help building yours.
Do I need medication or can counselling help?
Counselling can help. Medication can also help. Many women use both. The decision about medication is between you and your GP or psychiatrist — I won't push you toward it or away from it. What I'll do is sit with you in the anxiety, help you understand what it's actually about (hint: it's rarely just about the baby), and walk alongside you as the nervous system slowly relearns what safe feels like.
From the journal
On postnatal anxiety.
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